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Lovshack aims for late-night drunkards with low expectations
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Also by Matthew Straub:
- What you should do this summer: Part III (May 5, 2009)
- New folk CD hits emotional issues (April 8, 2009)
- Electronic genre fails on Prodigy CD (March 4, 2009)
- Artist sculpts icy dining (February 4, 2009)
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The calzone is something like a gourmet Hot Pocket, and it is all the new eatery Lovshack, located at 555 State St., cares about. Well, that and exploiting the mysterious relationship between calzones and sex. The menu boasts 30 different calzones, many of which have obscure names, such as "Eddymofo's B-fest," "Happy Trail" and "Hoots." Included are several dessert calzones, nine dipping sauces and five salads for the boring friend in your group.
A calzone by any other name…
The quality of the calzones here is as varied as their fillings. I personally went for the "Sixty-Nine," featuring grilled chicken, broccoli, and mozzarella, parmesan and ricotta cheeses. While my calzone was nothing short of fantastic, others in my party left rather disheartened. One companion ordered a "Where the Figawi?" only to find that the "steak" supposedly inside was actually roast beef. Another guest tried the steak and cheese calzone, which had considerably less filling than anyone else's, and for which the workers said there was nothing they could do.
Every calzone on the menu is $6.25, a price that seems slightly high for the portion sizes, especially when Chipotle across the way will give you a burrito as big as your head for a little bit less.
A place to get together?
Walking into Lovshack is either exciting or intimidating, depending on your perspective. In my experience, many of the dingiest places have the best specialty foods, and Lovshack does not pretend to be a classy joint. With random decor that appears to have been accumulated via dumpster diving adventures as well as a juvenile fascination with sex, Lovshack can be an uncomfortable place to find yourself in. There's a sign reading "SEX" on the wall, and one of the dessert calzones is dubbed the "Oh God Yes, Yes." Though this is all good fun, most George Webbs are cleaner than this place, and this one is brand new.
Service, or lack thereof
The true problem with Lovshack is that it doesn't put much emphasis on servicing its clientele. First, the workers tried several times to give our calzones to the wrong customers. Then, when one guest's calzone had significantly less filling than the rest, they essentially shrugged and said there was nothing they could do. Some of us were asked if we wanted dipping sauces and some were not. And when I asked why the establishment insisted on spelling its name wrong, I was ignored and remained confused. I chose not to even ask what they thought calzones had to do with sex.
Given Lovshack's locale, trailer park furnishings and late hours — they're open until 4 a.m. every day — it seems most likely that Lovshack wants to cater to the late-night drunkards who will ignore the high prices and lack of customer service because they want something delicious in their stomachs. And if that is the aim, Lovshack will likely be around for a while.
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GOtta love those microwaves and yes their staff sucks. Their sign is hard if not impossible to read while drunk. For 6.25 I would rather get full at Taco Bell. IMMMM FULLLLL
Meh, they’re staff was pretty friendly with me. Then again, I was drunk…
So today I was STARVING… I said to myself “I’ve been pretty loyal to D.P. Dough, but I think I should give Lovshack a try.”
Worst Calzone Ever.
There was NO CHEESE!!! WTF SERIOUSLY. I wish I had more hands, so I could give those calzones 4 thumbs down. It was awful.
OMFG, SO BAD
i wish the above commenter wasn’t so lame
Yeah DP Dough is waaaaaaaay better. but i do like their cheese sticks
DP Dough is a fried dough product. The dough is foul. Lovshack is fresh, hip, and outproduces DP Dope Sevenfold. DP will likely close its faux doors!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!