ARTSETC.
Male virginity can be awkward, sexy
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Also by Jenny Kalaidis:
- Summertime lovin' a blast (April 26, 2007)
- Sensual touches spice up sex life (April 19, 2007)
- Sexual stages come full circle (April 12, 2007)
- Break poses choice: quality vs. quantity (March 29, 2007)
Related Stories:
- Virginity not laughing matter (February 10, 2006)
- 'Sexy' clothing has multiple meanings (February 9, 2006)
- Friendship complicated by romance (February 17, 2006)
- No strings, what fun is that? (February 22, 2007)
- Lingerie way to go for best Valentine (February 14, 2007)
by Jenny Kalaidis
Thursday, February 1, 2007
All right ladies, let's get hypothetical here.
When it comes to sex, some gals heed the adage that size really does matter. Some of us are less about size and more about endurance. Still, others are all about the rhythm.
Let's be fair, though. Great sex isn't all the guy's job; quite the contrary, actually. The girl can be the one to turn a normal night into an erotic adventure, and she can also be the one to make a bedroom romp completely sizzle.
And what happens when the guy is a virgin?
"American Pie" is a great fictional case study of this situation. Good ol' Jim, along with his friends, is a virgin until the end of his senior year of high school. Losing their virginity before going off to college is important to them, and each goes through desperate measures to get deflowered.
After several embarrassing mishaps, Jim finds himself flat out of luck and must resort to taking Michelle, the band geek, to prom. Although she seems sweet and innocent, Michelle turns out to be a regular nymphomaniac; the two have sex on prom night, and the result isn't half bad. And, in the typical Hollywood fashion, Michelle and Jim eventually get married in one of the sequels.
But does "American Pie" really paint an accurate portrayal of a standard first sexual experience?
Let's consider this. For many people in our age group, it is generally accepted that the term virgin means that one has never had vaginal intercourse. A guy might still consider himself a virgin even if he has participated in oral or anal sex.
Therefore, some "virgins" aren't as innocent as they appear. Many have had sexual experiences, just not "the" sexual experience.
There are no statistics to show exactly how many young men go off to college as virgins, but from my personal knowledge (and again, this is not a completely accurate number), I'd estimate roughly 30 to 40 percent.
Since these guys waited to play the V-card, are they at a disadvantage in the girl department?
Girls, let's say you were dating a guy, and the virginity issue came up. Let's also say that you weren't a virgin and said so. After your confession, the guy just looks at you with doe eyes and tells you that he is a virgin.
This puts the girl in what could be an awkward situation. Usually, or so our culture says, if one person is a virgin, it's the girl. The guy is the one who reassures her that she will be fine, that he loves her and all the rest of that spiel.
I'm not so convinced girls do that to woo a guy, so I set out to find some answers. I asked my neighbor what she would do if placed in that situation.
"I'm not going to lie; I would feel really awkward," she said.
But would she ever have sex with him?
"I don't know. I might, but I'd be way more reluctant."
I asked my friend at another university for some out-of-state input, and she said it would make her feel differently about the guy in some aspects, but that she "would still probably give him a chance."
Even though my sampling isn't reliable enough to publish a study, I'll venture a conclusion based on the responses of these two girls and my basic knowledge of the female population as a whole: Usually a girl would feel uncomfortable learning that, while she is not a virgin, her potential partner is.
So does this mean a guy is out of luck if he happens to be dating a more experienced female? Of course not! Ladies, think of it this way. If the guy is in college and is a virgin:
He probably has a reason for it. Most likely he views sex as something more than just a casual, one-night thing. This means that if the topic comes up when you two are together, he must view you as the most serious he's been about a girl, and that means he has genuine feelings for you.
He hasn't been exposed to as many STDs. Granted, one can get a plethora of STDs from oral or anal sex, but having less sexual contact means less exposure to STDs (although you should always use a condom anyway, just to be safe).
He could have unbelievably high standards. Maybe he doesn't go for girls who eat with their mouths open, have an obnoxious laugh, can't hold a good conversation, etc. Or maybe every girl he's met just hasn't seemed hot enough to arouse his interest. Hooking up with this virgin should be a total ego boost, because you probably encompass all the personality traits he looks for in a girl and are totally sexy in his eyes.
He may be a little shy in interacting with women or about his body. This could be a turn-off for some girls, but the way I see it, a shy guy is a challenge. A shy guy will be reluctant to call you; therefore, you will have to go out of your way to call him. You will be the one to put yourself out there; you will be the one wearing the pants in the relationship. Basically, the guy is playing hard-to-get and making you work for it. And let's face it, finally "getting" someone (and I don't necessarily mean that by finally deflowering him) is so much more rewarding if there is some work involved, instead of it just being a sure thing. It's the thrill of the chase, if you will. This also gives you the chance to release the inner dominatrix that's been comatose for so long. A girl will be much more willing to try something new sexually on a guy if he is less experienced.
In summary, if the girl isn't a virgin and the guy is, it could be awkward, but it could also be rewarding. Just because a guy lacks experience in that department and isn't the Italian Stallion you were dreaming of doesn't mean he will turn out to be a total dud, either. So ladies, remember: If the sexy guy you're seeing happens to be a virgin, embrace it. It's always good to have new experiences, and who knows, maybe it will pay off!
Jenny Kalaidis is a freshman majoring in communication arts and journalism. Send questions, comments, and tales of sexual escapades to jkalaidis@badgerherald.com.
Anonymous (February 1, 2007 @ 5:40pm):
As part of the target group evaluated I always find articles like this entertaining. Why am I a 5th year senior and still a virgin? Quite simple: I'm insecure, anti-social, and I lack the most basic of social skills. Shy is really a poor term to describe me. Shy seems to imply at least SOME degree of social interest or accomplishment.
I'm not shy, I'm just plain screwed up.
Anonymous (February 1, 2007 @ 9:08pm):
As a recent grad who is still a virgin, I think many of your points hit home. I'm not somebody who is going to have sex with someone unless she is really special and important to me.
Anonymous (March 27, 2007 @ 4:55pm):
I am almost 24, male, virgin. I read that love-shy men (for more do a wikipedia on love-shy) are often not in shape...doesn't apply to me. Yes I have high standards. I have told one girl in exact words that I am a virgin and she is my favorite girl of all-time. She is not a virgin. If she is a barometer, then girls do not find it sexy if a guy is a virgin. She barely gives me the time of day and she knows how I feel about her. She rejected my attempt to kiss her (which was after she knew I was a virgin). I have never told anybody who didn't kind of know I was a virgin that I was so. I don't know what to expect if I tell a girl that I might date. Should I keep it a secret from a potential lover?
Anonymous (April 15, 2007 @ 11:34pm):
I'm a girl and soon will go off to college and last year I had a crush on this guy that was just sooo cute and later on found out that he was a virginand that he'd never had a girlfriend before(he is at leats 2 years older than me)and i found it weird because he was so atractive but at the same time it made me like him even more. I don't know why. Since I'm a virgin too i thought it would have been interesting if we could have lost it to each other. But we didn't because we stoped talking to each other after some differences.
Anonymous (April 17, 2007 @ 9:59am):
Yeh, i have met a guy who is a virgin, he fessed up last night when we where talking. I honestly didnt know what to say, maybe because i love sex, have had my fair few sexual partners and so i know i might be able to settle now. But he hasnt even started yet? What if he turns out like me and just wants experiences months/years into our relationship?
He said he is not like that, but how can he know that, he is a virgin?
I really like this guy, but it feels like the virginity thing may be a problem, any opinions?
Anonymous (April 24, 2007 @ 9:07pm):
i'm so hot for a virgin guy right now..... i hope he loves me back. i'm scared as f**k though! still...
Anonymous (September 11, 2007 @ 1:33am):
Well I started dating a good friend of mine (we've been friends for 10 years) so I know he was a virgin... We have been together about 2 months and he was treating me like a princess... I was a little freaked out that he was a virgin and had never had a girlfriend ( I am obviously not ) but I thought what the hell hes such a sweetheart maybe I should try something different... Well that was on Friday night and I havent heard from him since... Everytime I try to talk with him he makes up excuses or ignores me... whats up with that?
Anonymous (October 8, 2007 @ 4:29am):
I disagree. MEN have to do everything when it comes to sex. Dudes initiate everything. A MAN wants sex so he goes out and gets it. On the other hand, women are totally passive, they just sit their rejecting, rejecting, and rejecting like it's a game. It's way harder to be a guy and constantly get turned down, having to take risks, get experience, be selfish, and deal with society always putting pressure on you to take advantage of women. Guys don't give guys ANY respect unless they can prove they just want to stick it to women and nothing else. As long as you think women are inferior pieces of meat, you'll have plenty of women and respect from any guy. It sounds ignorant but it's true and you know it.
Anonymous (October 9, 2007 @ 10:48pm):
Well I guess I'm odd for a women. I'm in my earlier 20's, good looking, and have had one sexual partner so far. I have recently met this guy, and we really clicked. During one of our conversations, he fessed up about being a virgin (but only after telling him the idea kinda turns me on). I think the problem in this society is that the men are expected to do all the work, so it causes problems when the women has has previous sexual experiences and the man is a virgin. On the other hand, if the woman likes to be dominant time to time, and take charge, then the guys lack of sexual experience is of no consequence and can actually be quite an enjoyable experience in my opinion. I like to take charge, so when he fessed up, I was presently surprised. In his case, hes not a virgin because hes socially awkward, or not good looking... its because hes not interested in sleeping with every random chick thats runs after him. I find that very sexy and appealing!
If a guy confesses to you that hes still a virgin its not a bad thing, its a good thing! If your still a virgin, consider it a WONDERFUL learning experience that both of you can share. Learning things and trying things out together for the first time can be a bit awkward sometimes, but your both new at it so it doesn't matter. Have fun and enjoy!
On the other hand, if your not a virgin, teach him the ropes! Tell him what you want, or even better, take charge and DO some of the work. Although if your looking for a one night stand or something close to that, then maybe it might cause a problem... unless your the very dominant type of woman. But if your looking for a meaningful relationship, there is nothing more priceless that to be able to share that experience with someone and being able to show him how its done. You might be surprised, he might learn VERY fast.
Anonymous (October 20, 2007 @ 9:41am):
I would love to be a virgin male. I'm a virgin myself. Regardless if i was exprienced or not, i would love teaching my guy and i would feel more comfortable. I feel uncomfortable being intimate with non virgins because it seems their in arush to do things. I think I would be more willing if i was with a virgin male but even if one is a virgin, they have to fit the criteria. I am very selective persnality wise.
Anonymous (October 20, 2007 @ 9:47am):
Yeah, I admit. I like being in control and It's a turn off when a man tries to have sex with every woman he finds attractive. I would respect a guy more if he had less partners. I would never get serious with a guy who had more than 1 sexual partner. I'm someone who believes in love and believe in self-control. Btw, I'm a virgin, 20 year old female.
Anonymous (October 27, 2007 @ 6:08pm):
What happens when you are dating someone who is a virgin and refuses to make that commitment till he is married? I am in a relationship with a male in his late 20's. I am 30 and have two children from a prior relationship. So apparently I am not a virgin. He is though. We have a good relationship and have been dating for almost a year. It is quite difficult though when he will not take that next step in the relationship and neither of us are ready to make a commitment to marriage yet. I want to respect his right to continue with his virginity but it is becoming quite difficult. He will be sexual but will not go all the way. Anyone else out there in a similar situation?
Sincerely,
Wanting advise.
jake smith (October 30, 2007 @ 8:27pm):
I am a 41-year old male virgin. I would like to have sex, except...exactly how do I go about it? Join groups, get into therapy...been there, done that, really discouraged. I'm solitary by nature, and therapy-God, those morons know nothing, if I could do what they recommend I wouldnt be in therapy. Hire a sex worker? Maybe--except I'd like it if the woman was into me for other reasons than just money.
Anonymous (November 25, 2007 @ 5:31pm):
I am 29 and dating a 25 year old guy who recently told me he is a virgin. It's not for any religious, cultural, or moral reason, it's simply because he has not yet found a girl he likes enough to do this with and he refuses to just sleep with any random girl. I, on the other hand, am not a virgin and have had a lot of sex with different people. None of that was fulfilling and I am thrilled to have met someone who is pure and likes me for me, not for sex. He is genuine in the things he says and how he treats me. I'm a little nervous about potentially being his first and if he will want to be with a bunch of other women once he's had sex. I think I could be in love with him, so I hope he doesn't need to sow his wild oats after me.
Anonymous (February 4, 2008 @ 1:25pm):
I am engaged to a 45 year old man who was a virgin before he met me. He is no longer a virgin. His reasons were real to him, I respect his thinking, and I am proud and happy to have been his first. Let me tell you this man has so much love and devotion for me it's enough to bring me to tears sometimes. Yes I had to show him the ropes so to speak, and yes I secretly thought his 'condition' was kind of sexy. The sex is now the best I have ever had and I would do it again in a heartbeat. Do not discount a virgin man even if it's later in his life and you just can't get your head around it. It could be the best thing you have ever gotten into.
Anonymous (March 5, 2008 @ 1:01am):
im a 19 year old female and i am now seeing a 20 year old virgin. Honestly i have had sex with a kinda large amount of guys becasue i was heart broken and i kind of went crazy. Im starting to feel weird about this and im nervous once i sleep with him its going to be horrible and that im not going to enjoy it at all cuz i wil proablly have to do all the work. Im used to guys with experience.. i really dont know what to do or how to come about the subject. ANY ADVICE?
