The Badger Herald

ARTSETC.

Fatal party fouls ruin good times

Looking for a print version?
Simply choose ‘Print’ on your computer and a printer-friendly document will be generated.

Also by Aubre Andrus:

Area venues provide memorable times (April 28, 2006)

by Aubre Andrus

Friday, February 24, 2006

There is etiquette for almost any situation — for example, dinner etiquette. My grandpa always told us to keep our elbows off the table. Or etiquette for a job interview (you can never dress too professional). But what about party etiquette? And by party, I don't mean a holiday soiree at your aunt's house. I mean house-party-on-a-college-campus-and-even-at-a-bar etiquette. Who says it has to be a formal situation to behave properly? Extenuating circumstances from this past weekend forced me to call some people out: party foul!

Let me tell you a little story about an a-bar at my house. When my roommate casually walked up the spiral staircase to her room, she found two people there — a guy and a girl — with their pants down … in her bed. If there is an almighty party foul, then this is it. My roommate knew the guy, but that does not make it ok. Your friends' bedrooms are not your bedrooms … even when you're drunk and horny at an a-bar. My roommates and I escorted him by his shirt collar, pushed him down the spiral staircase and shoved him out the front door of our lovely house … while many people watched and laughed.

This guy was not only rude and disrespectful, but he is also a 30-year-old lawyer. Thank you Jon at a local law firm for inspiring me to write this column. And thank you for leaving your business card, loose change and hat on my roommate's bed.

P.S. You might get eight drunk-dials on your office phone this weekend.

Lawyer-man isn't done yet, though. He earned a double party foul in my book because before he dropped by my house, he was at … the KK. And he's not the only 30-year-old hanging out at college bars to pick up girls. At bars like the State, there are plenty of older men, probably married, hitting on college girls and more-than-likely lying about their ages. My roommate freshman year hit it off with a guy, exchanged numbers and waited for a phone call. Unfortunately, she found out from a friend that he was married … and a lot older than he told her. But don't worry, he called her and still wanted to hang out. You're not in college anymore, old man! Grow up! Live in the now!

If you're married, own a home and have completely paid off your college debts, then you are not allowed to hit on girls at the State or the KK … or Brat's … or pretty much any bar on State Street and the near-vicinity. Unfortunately, UW students will always dominate the social scene downtown and that sucks for you. You should probably move to Chicago. Or go to the swanky capitol bars with your own kind. Or there are always the older-person bars, like Paul's Club, where the coolest thing inside is a tree.

Now that the old men are out of the picture, let's focus on people our age. Whether at a bar or at a party, it's easy to foul out this category … flirting-slash-hitting-on-people. You walk up to someone, they smile, you chit-chat, they walk away. You follow them. Time out! If they walk away, they are probably trying to get away … from you. I'm sorry that you're drunk and you might not realize it, but not everyone at a bar or a party is trying to find a lover for the night. It's ok to walk up to a person and start a conversation, but if they awkwardly signal to their friends to come save them, let it die. Your two-minute love affair has come to an end. When Will Smith first hits on Eva Mendes in "Hitch," he is totally smooth … approach, amaze, depart. If they like you they will come back and find you.

Let's say you get lucky and someone does come back to find you. You're hitting it off really well. They're cute. You're smiling. But then you get distracted … what are those people doing on the couch? Oh my god. They're totally making out hard core right in front of everyone! You grab a digi-cam and start taking pictures of the people going at it. Party foul! No, not you … the couple on the couch, of course. Get a room! Actually, go home to your own room.

Keep in mind that when you make out with people at a party or a bar … other people can see you. They can see you and they're watching you … and laughing at you. And if you work in an office like the Badger Herald, the photo of you and your newfound lover will be hanging from the walls tomorrow, or will be printed in the paper as an in-house ad for the whole campus to see.

Even though parties and bars are places where you can let go and drink your stressful semester away, don't completely lose yourself. You can keep your elbows on the table, but just remember: hold your horniness until you get home, forgo the stalking, avoid hitting on people 10 years younger than you … and lock your bedroom door.

Aubre Andrus is a senior double majoring in journalism and communication arts. She is really happy that she locked her bedroom door on Saturday night. She can be reached at aandrus@badgerheald.com.

Feedback

Show all comments

Hide anonymous comments

Anonymous (February 24, 2006 @ 1:39pm):

Good article, however you went too far putting an actual place of employment in this article. Good luck with your upcoming trial for that one.

The term defamation of character is often used to describe accusations of slander, libel or both. Slander involves verbal derogatory statements, while libel involves written ones. In a court of law, the plaintiff pursuing the lawsuit would charge defamation of character to cover any form of false or damaging allegations.

I am not a resident of Wisconsin, nor do I know the party you speak of. I am stating that this article has gone overboard by not only mentioning a name and age, but by including a place of employment.

Tom Kennett (February 26, 2006 @ 1:02am):

Are you questioning someone's maturity? You post this person's information in your article, may ruin his career, and for what? Some juvenile sense of satisfaction, or perhaps jealously towards two consenting adults, which is my guess. If anybody needs to grow up it is you. I see that you are a journalism major, and you are well on your way to exemplify the sensationalist and dirt-tossing media that plagues this nation. I can't wait to see your talk show after Ricki Lake and preceding Montel Williams. What Alabama midget sleeping with their cousin story will you entertain us with next?

Also, by throwing this person's age into the equation you are only perpetuating age discrimination. From now on, no person who is not attending an 8:50 AM discussion should be able to go to the bar and have a good time and from this we will gather that any non-college students who go to a bar are obviously old perverts who should be locked away before they ruin the lives of the pure and innocent drinkers who frequent the bars on Thursday night.

This article is sickening to me, from the vindictiveness and pure mud-slinging that it displays.

Anonymous (February 26, 2006 @ 2:36am):

i agree--there was no reason for his name and place of employment to be included, unless hes your ex boyfriend or something...in that case it would definitely be okay

Anonymous (February 26, 2006 @ 11:20pm):

wow- did you stop to do any research on this guy- In about 2 mins of goggling--- I found him. He's a Wisconsin law alumni... maybe he was just out having fun at an old college bar for kicks and this chick wanted to hump... Hell I wouldn't pass it up!

You could have potentially runined his carreer in Madison. Way to go... You know also hun, I've heard from reliable sources that your bush needs to be trimmed. I hope that will get you a couple jokes at the Badger Herald, so you can feel 1/10,000th of what this guy is going to have to deal with. Please either become orginal or change majors-

Anonymous (March 28, 2006 @ 12:45am):

I have a comment for the comment. Get over it, it's called the opinion section. It was a column, not an investigative piece. And you should probably rethink your definition for 'mud-slinging'.

Anonymous (April 3, 2006 @ 1:13am):

Simmer down old man. You wouldn't want to give yourself a heart attack. While it may have been a little over the line to give his first name, the woman does make a point. It is an unpleasant experience to find out that other people are making it in your bed, let alone to have to walk in on it. As for the age issue, I am the roommate from freshman year, and let me tell you, it is not ageist in the slightest. The man was married and completely unapologetic. He asked me if "this meant we wouldn't be able to hang out." And unless you feel strongly that married men should be able to hump in other people's bedrooms like the rest of us, you can stick it.