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Reeves sadly lacking in comic adaptation
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Life after “The Matrix” is not a pleasant one for Keanu Reeves. Gone are the days of mind-blowing special effects and thought-provoking scripts. Gone are the days of unrelented ass-kickings. Gone are the days of Reeves looking straight into the camera, recalling all of his formal acting training, to utter the word “Whoa.”
In his post-Matrix Hollywood career, Reeves is actually forced to act, something his robotic demeanor often struggles with. In Reeves’ new supernatural thriller “Constantine,” a deadly combination of unimpressive special effects, terrible acting and a trite plot spell out another blockbuster bomb.
Adapted from the DC/Vertigo comic book series “Hellblazer,” “Constantine” focuses on chain-smoking exorcist John Constantine (Reeves, “Something’s Gotta Give”) who has actually been to hell and back. Constantine works for both God and the devil by sending demons that are misbehaving on Earth back to hell in hopes that his deeds will buy his way into heaven.
Teaming up with street cop Angela Dodson (Rachel Weisz, “Runaway Jury”), Constantine investigates the apparent suicide of Dodson’s twin sister. What comes next is a poorly developed plot with predictable twists and turns, which are oddly not bolstered by the redeeming special effects the movie promised in early trailers.
It seems Director Francis Lawrence attempted to make “Constantine” in the fashion of an amusing drinking game. Every time Reeves lights a new cigarette, which is nearly every scene, drink. Every time Reeves says the word ‘heaven’ or ‘hell’ or alludes to God or the devil, drink. Every time slow motion is used, drink. Every time Reeves says a vulgarity or flips the bird, drink. If played, be prepared for an extreme state of inebriation.
Reeves has quite possibly the worst number-of-movies-to-terrible-acting-ability ratio of any actor ever. His portrayal of John Constantine seems almost like a parody of himself. His sardonic attitude and uninspired dialogue elicited laughs from the audience in scenes that were meant to be serious.
The golden rule with Reeves is that the less lines of dialogue he has, the better. “Constantine,” however, breaks this rule by having Reeves launch into unintentionally humorous monologues. Casting Reeves in any movie that focuses on talking rather than straight-up action is a serious mistake.
The only redeeming aspect of “Constantine” was the performance of Weisz. Her rendition of a dark and troubled cop was actually believable, unlike the acting of her co-stars. Her often teary-eyed and bleak expressions gave life to her character and it seemed like she showed realistic emotions throughout the movie.
It’s hard to say what could have saved “Constantine” from the fate of being a terrible movie. The initial idea of a man that has to buy his way into heaven is an intriguing idea, one that most likely gave “Hellblazer” its original popularity. It is therefore hard to pinpoint what turned a good idea sour during its transition from a comic book to the big screen. It might be the decision to cast Reeves.
In its original conception Nicholas Cage was supposed to star, with Tarsem Singh (“The Cell”) directing. Singh claimed he didn’t want to direct Cage and ultimately both Cage and Singh were scrapped. If Cage had played the lead role of John Constantine, who knows what the end product might have been, but one has to believe it would have been inevitably better than the performance Reeves gave.
The sad thing is that “Constantine” will almost inevitably make a ridiculous amount of money at the box office, only serving as an incentive to Hollywood producers to make another travesty like this. “Constantine” could have been a good movie if not for a series of terrible mistakes: the decision to cast Reeves, the uninspired dialogue and inevitable idiotic ending.
“Constantine” will go down as one of those movies that had so much potential and looked like, from the trailers anyway, that it could really be good. Instead, viewers are sent to the proverbial movie hell.
Grade: D
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Ok, but you didn’t answer the BIG question: How was Shia LeBeouf??? Funny? Dumb as well? Or just plain hilarious? I’m actually curious.
It’s too bad Jon Wirt can’t recognize talent when it’s staring him in the face, literally. “Constantine” was awesome… John Constantine was real to me, Keanu is talented and a hard-working dedicated actor. I think credit should be given where it is due. -SA
I never read the comic “Hellblazer.” And frankly I thought that the movie was pretty kickass. The ideas were original and from what I hear the character of John Constantine is a pretty big asshole. Now if flippin off the devil while u ascent into heaven isnt badass..well i dont really know what is. Im not lookin at this as a comic book adaptation. Most because very few mainstream people read the comic. Im looking at this film from a new story perspective. And it holds up. Quit bashing Reeves. He is very good at what he does. We both know that if broken down and really looked into, the matrix trilogy, was amazing. You should probably go out and read a book on Metaphysics, then go watch both of these movies again. And then take a nap and dream about being Reeves character…John Constantine. When it boils down to it. The ability to see demons or “half-breeds,” alone is pretty sweet. Not to mention his sweet ass Crucifix Shotgun. This movie rocked. Quit being so mainstream. Open up your mind. Believe the unbelievable… my AIM sn is NinjaBeerMan
I loved the movie. It was as good as the 1st matrix and just as thought provoking. Reeves has his own style of acting that commonly is mistaken as bad. Hey Jon. Why dont you use your brain and come up with a criticism other than “hes a bad actor”. Oh wait, that might actually take some creativity, which you obviously lack as a journalist.
WTF NIGGER, THAT MOVIE OWNED YOUR SHIT
I Enjoy men, alot. IM me on AIM my screen name is Rocco Boccuti, and you can reach me at 215-489-7898, just ask for Tim. Thanks guys.
How anyone ever had an elephant suck them off? Thanks guys, Tim.
My fault, my fault. That last post was meant to say “Has anyone ever been sucked off by an elephant?” sorry for that. But on that topic, anyone else like to put swiss cheese on their dick, and stick it in Tom and Jerry’s Mouse Hole, to let that little mouse have a sexy treat? Oh..me neither..
Love, Tim 215-230-7527
I like where these comments are going…
-JP ;)
I don’t think it was so bad… did u really understood the movie? if yes, explain me why Gabriel had the sanatory stickers in the end..
I don’t think it was so bad… did u really understood the movie? if yes, explain me why Gabriel had the sanatory stickers in the end.. and why lucifer didn’t let everything happen!