Avid Last Action Heroes reader and column designer Liz Heyman recently wrote to us divulging her love for the illustrious Lou Diamond Phillips. Unlike LDP’s first wife, she won’t leave him for Melissa Etheridge if given the chance. In true action hero fashion, we have come to Liz’s rescue to delve deep into the horrific film career of Mr. Diamond Phillips. At the bottom, we found “Extreme Justice.”
**Derek**
If you were lucky enough to find this gem in the discount bin at Pamida, you would expect LDP to deliver kill after kill after bloody kill. After all, movie authority Reel.com gave “Extreme Justice” a hefty nine on the violence scale. However, the movie is lacking in its kill count, notching 21 body bags with a mere one coming at the hands of LDP. That’s one kill coming every four and a half minutes. For action movies, this is a terrible ratio. If you are one of the few brave souls to survive the entirety of this movie, you know why the kill count is so low. For those of you who dare not enter the discount bin, let this column be your guide.
**Joe**
The hero of the movie is Detective Jeff Powers of the Los Angeles Police Department, portrayed by the legendary Lou Diamond Phillips. In typical LDP-style, Powers takes no crap from anyone, especially criminals.
“I’m a danger to every repeat offender out there thinking about committing a crime,” he confidently tells the city council.
A snazzy dresser, Detective Powers has quite the affinity for flannel. The man with the flowing black locks sports cut-off flannels in no less than eight scenes. Just how cool is Jeff Powers? He drives a Jeep Cherokee with the wood panels on the side. It takes a pretty tough dude to roll in one of those — that or a backwoods metrosexual. No wonder LDP was chosen to portray the heroic sheriff in “Bats.”
A beer-swilling, pill-popping renegade cop with no respect for authority, Powers finds himself on the outs with the LAPD when he gets a little too hands-on with a criminal. And of course by “a little too hands-on,” I mean, “beating the holy crap out of.” However, just before the squares at headquarters can give LDP his walking papers, he is reassigned to a special, top-secret unit: The Special Investigation Section.
**Derek**
Simply put, Lou Diamond Phillips has a conscience. In a gang so vial, so putrid, LDP shines as brightly as a full moon in hell. He melds the thug-tality of 50 cent with the conscience of an R.Kelly. His hands are strong enough to rock a glock during the day and soft enough to spit mad crazy game with his girlfriend by night. Lou Diamond is literally a diamond in the rough, and by rough I mean badass.
He brings a softer side to the Special Investigation Section. This highly specialized Los Angeles police unit is separate from the regular police force. Their budget and mission are unknown and only secret city council meetings determine their future. Technology is definitely on their side. They use the best the 1920s had to offer by sporting Tommy Guns and six-shooters. This isn’t a bad thing considering 20 of the movie’s 96 minutes are spent in L.A. saloons.
**Joe**
The leader of the S.I.S. is detective Dan Vaughn, played by Scott Glenn. Yes, the one and only Scott Glenn. A veteran of 60 films, Glenn starred alongside Howie Long in “Firestorm” and was shot by Denzel Washington in “Training Day.” Talk about giving instant credibility to a film. Lou Diamond Phillips AND Scott Glenn? Perhaps that is why Rod Lurie of Los Angeles Magazine called “Extreme Justice” “gritty” and “powerful.” Well, either that or he’s insane.
Anyway, Vaughn is a greasy-haired, mustached tough guy who loves to rock polo shirts and sport coats. He also drinks nothing but hard liquor and keeps pictures of his ex-wife in a bikini on his coffee — err, liquor — table. Whether it’s with a handgun or a sniper rifle, Vaughn takes care of business to the tune of six kills.
**Derek**
Before LDP arrived, it was shoot to kill and answer to nobody later. In a scene where a young girl is being sexually assaulted, Vaughn and his crew want to hold out and make sure the bad guys complete felony rape before they move in. However, LDP can’t stand that idea and his conscience springs into action. Lou Diamond breaks ranks with his S.I.S. counterparts and starts the mission prematurely. After a remarkably short gun battle, LDP and the S.I.S. escape unscathed while everyone else awaits transportation to the morgue. Vaughn offers his condolences to LDP’s conscience by saying “At least they won’t be on the street committing more rapes.”
**Joe**
Trouble begins brewing between the boys of the S.I.S. when Powers begins to question Vaughn’s shoot first, allow civilians to die, laugh like a jackass with a mustache and ask questions later approach to police work. His main squeeze, foxy crime reporter Kelly Daniels, begins to probe into the secret affairs of the police department, causing headaches for Powers. Eventually, though, the heroic Lou Diamond Phillips has had enough and confesses his story to Kelly and the newspaper.
**Derek**
The final fight scene is a culmination of LDP’s building rage for the “field officer of a motherf-cking death squad,” a.k.a. Vaughn. Lou Diamond rolls up to Vaughn’s ranch in the intimidating Jeep Cherokee woody. Boldly he enters Vaughn’s residence without knocking or ringing a doorbell. After a mere 10 seconds, LDP finds Vaughn in disbelief at what might be the end of the S.I.S.
The two exchange words for a minute before LDP proclaims that S.I.S. is “over.” Vaughn grows noticeably agitated and responds, “Over? It ain’t even started c-cksucker. You can’t f-ck me.” LDP launches into a tirade and at this point Vaughn seems to run out of the television in a terrifying lunge at LDP. Nevermind the fact that LDP is at least 30 feet away, Vaughn runs the entire length with hands at eye level. In the tradition of a craptacular action movie, LDP fails to notice this and is taken off guard. Two minutes later, Hollywood employs three camera angles and a slow-motion replay as the two crash feet first through a glass window. This death-defying plunge through a panel of glass into the front yard represents the culmination of LDP’s anger and the high point of the movie.
**Joe**
Okay, there were a lot of lines in this crapfest that left me laughing and reaching for my High Life. For starters, there is the robber who informs the convenience store clerk, “Somehow I just do not believe you have given me all the money” before pistol-whipping him. But, the line that really stuck with me and had me scratching my head was, “I’m a juvi, scrode.” Now I’m as low-brow as the next guy, and I like to think of myself as fairly well-versed in potty talk, but I have never heard “scrode” used as an insult.
“Extreme Justice” certainly has its moments. Scott Glenn’s crazy man attack on LDP was simply hilarious, as was Lou Diamond’s wardrobe. My biggest grievance is the lack of butt-kicking from one Lou Diamond Phillips. One kill and one beat down is a pretty weak showing from an action star. Thus, I am awarding this film two Dolph Lundgrens and a bonus Scott Glenn.
So D-Rock, are you down with LDP?
Shiiiit Joe, you know me.
**Derek**
It was hard judging this movie. On one side, we have a dedicated cop (Vaughn) working hard, day and night, drinking nothing but hard alcohol to remove repeat offenders and tough guys from the street. And on the other hand, we have a young idealistic Lou Diamond Phillips, excuse me, Jeff Powers looking to straighten out the S.I.S. and bring some sort of a conscience to the force. It’s ironic that LDP was a wreckless cop driving 115 miles per hour in downtown Los Angeles with his hands at 10 and two and now he wants to bring peace and order to a realm that recognizes nothing but pain and death and rewards hooliganism. Throw in a fight scene that culminates by two men falling through a glass panel into a front yard and you get the picture. Three camera angles couldn’t even make that scene look thrilling. Finally, how can one consider this an action movie when the kill ratio offers us a death every four minutes? It can’t. That is why this movie debuted on DVD in the discount bin. This movie gets a strong four Lou Diamond Phillips.
