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Sweet treats for fans of oral sex

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Also by Nate Widboom:

Perfect mate just a keystroke away (November 17, 2004)
Halloween opportunity to show creativity (October 20, 2004)
Sweet treats for fans of oral sex (October 6, 2004)
Human hotspots: erogenous zones (September 8, 2004)
The walk of shame (April 14, 2004)

by Nate Widboom

Wednesday, October 6, 2004

In a typical lecture hall a few semesters ago, a biology professor lectured on the human reproductive system. He went through all of the intricacies of its inner workings, explaining the usual spiel about the vas deferens, seminal vesicles, testes and the prostate gland. One tidbit of particular interest was the composition of semen and the resulting taste.

He told the class about the nutritious aspect of semen and how it contains small amounts of many chemicals that are actually good for you, including vitamins C and B12, cholesterol, creatine, magnesium, nitrogen, potassium, citric acid, lactic acid and sugars, just to name a few. The part about the sugars set off a light bulb in the head of a particularly curious female student. She raised her hand, and the professor called on her. “If semen contains sugars, then why does it taste bitter?” Quickly she turned red and realized what she had implied. The class roared with laughter, but the professor kept cool and responded, “Well, the taste buds for sweetness are on the tip of the tongue, but the ones for bitterness are on the area of the tongue near the back of the throat.”

How embarrassing! I embellished the details a bit for entertainment value, and even though I’m not the primary source of that story, it serves well to lead into today’s topic of oral sex.

The whole idea for this column was prompted not by the girl curious about the taste of semen, but by one of my friends who takes pleasure in asking me about sexual things. He asked which I liked more, giving or receiving oral sex.

Therein lays a great existential question. Is it really better to give than to receive? Maybe in terms of gifts, that’s true, but with respect to oral sex it’s debatable. The aforementioned friend claims he could go down on his girlfriend all day long. I contend that if you were to try that on a guy, your jaw would be sore for weeks. This seems to be a common sentiment. The best advice I can give to counteract this is just to be creative, move around and practice. Then hopefully you won’t have to worry about incidental soreness.

With that settled, the dilemma of whether to spit or swallow remains. Personally, I say if it’s already in your mouth just bite the bullet, figuratively speaking and swallow it. I mean you’ve already tasted it, and it is nutritious after all. Then again, if you’re really turned off by that, just make sure he knows to let you know when it’s coming.

I posed the spit or swallow question to a few friends, and one replied that spitting and swallowing wasn’t the real issue. Rather, “Sometimes, the ultimate sign of respect for your lover is letting them to unleash their manhood on your face or chest. Even with eyes full of splooge, you can still have a lasting relationship, because after all, love is blind.” Indeed it is, and I could not have said it better myself.

Also, keep in mind that diet can influence the taste of semen. For example, green vegetables, especially asparagus, can seriously influence the taste in an undesirable way. Liquor can cause acidity, and supposedly, dairy can be quite rank. On the other hand, sugars can actually sweeten it and make it taste better. That’s not to say you should necessarily avoid veggies, alcohol and dairy, while loading up on sweets, no pun intended. But, if you hear complaints, you might want to consider altering your diet, just some food for thought.

The taste issue doesn’t apply only to men. When asked for his thoughts on the issue, a UW junior responded with anecdotal affirmation. “One time I had to pretend to pass out because I was drunk and hooking up with a girl. I went down on her … I almost threw up. Then, after she left the room, I got back up and joined the party.”

Another person responded, “Definitely the best tasting in my experience, comes from a girl who is either a virgin or hasn’t had more than a few sexual partners. It may be psychological, but still, I have had a few in my day that tasted great and they fit into that category.” He added that in his experience more promiscuous girls had many times left him with a bad taste in his mouth. I personally can’t add any support to that claim, because I want absolutely nothing to do with vaginas, but he may have a point — although it is probably more of a hygiene issue than anything else.

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Anonymous (October 7, 2004 @ 8:47am):

Holy crap!
As if women aren't already neurotic enough about their bodies! When it comes to going down on men, swallow and enjoy. It may not taste good, but you should do it out of respect for your partner. Oh, and it's nutririous... of course, protein is at the top of my list when I'm going down on my boyfriend.
But women! No, their genitals are literally revolting, and to make it worse, they get more revolting the more men they sleep with! Not only will sleeping with too many men make you a slut, it will make your vagina, um, taste bad? I'd love to hear from the genius who thinks that. Since the vagina is constantly lubricated and cleansing itself, how exactly is it possible that you can 'taste' my first boyfriend from how many years ago?
Nate, c'mon, you should have thought a little bit more about the skewed presentation you give here. Granted, it's people's opinions, and clearly not the most sexually-enlightened on the male hetero side. But you should have thought a bit more about either responding to their incorrect ideas (other than, gosh, I'm gay, I have no idea) or presenting more of a variety of opinions.

Anonymous (October 9, 2004 @ 2:41pm):

In response to the feedback of Widbooms's previous article on oral sex, I believe the woman who read the article and provided the feedback read way too far into it. Never did the article suggest sleeping with a certain number of men made you a 'slut' and if you carefully read the last paragraph, it was in the quote that the thought was mostly pyschological, I would know since I am the 'genius' that made the comment. The article also never mentions 'tasting' old boyfriends, your rewording of the content is only an attempt to prove your personal point and doesn't reflect the meaning of the article. It was simply an opinion page of college adults and their views on oral sex. Who are you to say who is 'sexually enlighted' and if you are so enlighted, please share your wisdom with the rest of us on the truth of oral sex.

Anonymous (November 5, 2004 @ 12:36am):

From your housefellowing friend, I just have to say that spooge should definitely be spooged on the person spooing...for instance, If I spoo, I spray on myself.

Furthermore, I think spoo of single men is thicker than men in relationships with women. It's an Alaska story I'll tell you another day.

Anonymous (January 19, 2005 @ 1:25pm):

Hi...25/f... i've been searching the web trying to find out how to sweeten the taste of my vagina,all i keep finding is info on the taste of semen...i wanna know if the same foods that supposedly improve the taste of semen (pineapple etc...)also work for women and if not are there such foods?