ARTSETC.
Like spading dirt on a grave
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by Mac VerStandig
Monday, September 8, 2003
“Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star” is the sort of B-actor-driven comedic train wreck that David Spade used to dryly mock while doing his “Hollywood Minute” on “Saturday Night Live,” a cookie-cutter film that relies on recycled plot turns, mawkish undertones and humor that is far from original.
As star of “The Glimmer Gang,” Dickie Roberts (Spade, “Tommy Boy”) was the biggest child actor of his time and won the hearts of viewers with his cute, innocent catchphrase, “This is nucking futs!” But Dickie’s television family eventually went the way of the Bradys and Partridges and found itself off the air.
Now in his early 30s, Dickie wants nothing more than to make a comeback. He knows Rob Reiner’s upcoming film is the perfect vehicle for his return to stardom, but Reiner (“The Story of Us,” playing himself), bluntly informs Dickie that his lack of a “real” childhood has left him simply unprepared to tackle a role of such complexity.
The reasoning is that without a normal upbringing, one cannot see the world through normal eyes and thus will create a character to which normal people cannot relate.
Not about to take “no” for an answer, Dickie immediately goes about hiring himself a family to re-raise him.
It is important to understand that while Spade’s exploration of the world of former child stars is both original and frequently uproarious, the film is not so much about Dickie Roberts as the family he joins. At first sight, the Finneys are a sort of “Brady Bunch” family devoid of the ugliness that is humanity, but as Dickie settles in, he begins to see brutal third dimensions, which his television family glossed over.
Grace (Mary McCormick, “Private Parts”) is a loving mother stuck in a bad marriage. George (Craig Bierko, “The Music Man”) is an ever-absent father whose wandering eyes make that marriage bad. Sam (Scott Terra, “Eight Legged Freaks”) and Sally (Jenna Boyd, “The Hunted”) are sweet, rule-obeying kids, but their fear of confrontation — inherited from their mother — is destroying their social lives.
The concept is far from new: The Finneys stand to learn just as much from Dickie as he does from them. And now, with attention diverted from the more original exploration of the world of failed child stars and placed instead onto the less original exploration of a dysfunctional family, the film sails into the cloying waters of tired clichés.
On a brighter note, the movie features two extraordinary acting performances. Top honors go to Jon Lovitz, who plays Dickie’s agent with delightful understatement and hilarious humility. The meagerness he gives his character is perfect for the surprisingly complex role. Also outstanding is Mary McCormick, who tightropes the line between mother and sexual figure with such brilliant toe work that she manages to steal almost every one of her shared scenes from Spade.
The picture is also replete with cameos, a trademark of struggling comedies. A handful of the bit performances are pointless: Brendan Fraser and Tom Arnold are totally unnecessary. But the appearance of countless former child stars, from Danny Bonaduce to Dustin Diamond to Gary Coleman, gives the film some quirky moments of sheer pleasure. And a musical performance featuring several such former stars, accompanying the end credits, may well be the most memorable and poignant part of “Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star.”
Interestingly, Alyssa Milano, a former child star (“Who’s The Boss?”), has a legitimate role in the film as Dickie’s ex-girlfriend, Cyndi. Ironic in a movie promoting the comeback potential of such has-beens, Milano easily turns in the worst performance of the cast, as her one-note acting drags down a series of scenes that otherwise had potential.
As for Spade, this may well be the end of the line. Since the passing of his comedic partner, Chris Farley, Spade’s career has only gone downhill with flops like “Joe Dirt.” Spade’s deeply cynical style of comedy requires him to be the constant center of attention and, thus, makes him virtually incapable of sharing screen time: his scenes become battles, and when he loses them to people like Mary McCormick, he simply looks foolish.
Perhaps more worrisome, though, Spade’s line of humor is growing old. His middle fingers can only generate so many laughs before the shock value is lost. And in terms of in-depth acting, those two fingers, at about two inches apiece, are as deep as Spade gets.
If you’re looking for a touching comedy about a troubled family brought together by an outsider, rent “Mrs. Doubtfire.” If you’re interested in a parody of all those cheesy family television shows you are ashamed to have once loved, rent “Death to Smoochy.” If you’re interested in having David Spade make you laugh, rent “Tommy Boy.” And if you really want to see “Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star,” it, too, will one day be available for rental.
Grade: C
